So in just a few weeks I'll be turning thirty. I don't feel old as in -life is over I'm so old - but more like - I don't understand teens anymore/I find clothing from Eddie Bauer appealing/I have children/am I really all grown up - old. The prospect of facing a milestone in life is making my mind wander with questions.
Am I supposed to know who I am by now? I feel so unsure of myself in this moment in time. This stage of life where I am staying home with my kids is still new to me. Who am I? A daughter, a sister, a wife and a mom. But those feel like labels. I know the things I like to do. I know what I have done in the past and wish for in the future. But what am I really capable of? Where are my limits and can I push them? What does my heart speak of when all else is silent? What does the future hold for me? Will I accomplish the things I hope for some day?
Of course asking questions just makes me feel more unsure of it all. But I suppose a little soul searching doesn't hurt every once in awhile. I know in the end I'll be turning 50 some day and I'll say to my daughters, I just wish I could be 30 again, just like my mom told me many years ago.