Sunday, June 15, 2014

Another Parenting Revelation

I am my children's protector, the protector of their virtue and true selves. I am their cheerleader. I am their disciplinarian. I am their dose of the real world. I am their comforter and home nest. I will be a wall, a shield for them when need be.

Protector of their virtue (defined as the quality or practice of moral excellence or righteousness). To me that means upholding what I expect of them. I expect them to develop and find empathy for others, for the world. I expect them to choose the right path, even when narrow and hard and unpopular. Root for the underdog. And when I think of virtue I also think of their self worth. I want them to see themselves and project themselves to the world as immensely valuable. They are.

Protector of their true selves. This is where I need to let go of my expectations and cheer them on as they are, just as they are, no different.

And parenting isn't all sunshine as roses, right? So I discipline. I am the main disciplinarian in our household seeing as how I see them a little bit more often than my husband does (he is a fabulous bring-home-the-bacon provider to enable me to stay home). But I'm naturally more of a dictator anyways. But I lose my temper too often and too quickly. My 6 year old no longer unquestioningly obeys. I need to add the harder parenting work of explaining why I ask and demand what I do and be softer, especially with her. I seriously question why our two souls were paired sometimes. Fire and water people.

I am their dose of the real world. I will introduce them to disappointment and the fact that the world does not revolve around them.

But I will kiss their stubbed toes and skinned knees. I will hold them and squeeze them and tell them, yes I know it hurts, I'm sorry it hurts. They can fly home.

And I will protect them, but oh how to not over protect them? How far do I let them go, without me? See, this parenting thing just keeps getting harder. Forget the newborn stage. This is hard work man.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Birthing & Parenting

I've found myself having these long musings in my head lately. Thoughts on what I believe, what I find to be true, who I am and who I am evolving into...These pops of brillance in my head that if I don't write them down I will instantly forget them and suddenly feel very dull and plain and unchanging for not having the thoughts anymore. But I don't have a journal anymore to write in, so here seemed a good enough place.

I used to think that it was important, that it said something about you and who you were as a person and a future mother, how you gave birth. That giving birth is as much about the mother as it is the baby. But of course the socially correct thing to say is "as long as you have a healthy baby it doesn't matter." But deep down I toyed with the idea of becoming a midwife so I could help the world and all mothers see that you could only really see the power of birth by welcoming your new baby at home in a birthing tub, surrounded by your afterglow as a mighty woman. None of which I did with either of my births. But I read stories and watched movies and thought the medical world was trapping woman with fear. We weren't living as a community anymore. Girls grow up without seeing a woman give birth, women aren't surrounded by experienced older women as they give birth themselves. We fear what we are told is the worst case scenario and we go into a powerful time of our lives with fear.

But then I gave birth...and then I parented. I'm raising a 6 and 3 year old now. The 3 year old's tantrums and independent streak are old news to me. It's always been and may always be my oldest, my 6 year old, who teaches me the most. She goes first into the world of teaching me I'm wrong. And so as she breaks out of her world of no longer being 5 and a baby, but into being 6, knowing more than I do, questioning each command I give her, that I want to rip my hair out. How do I get a 6 year old, who I know is still a child baby herself, listen to me, someone who might actually know more than her. Like how to not fall off a chair, what might taste good in a made up recipe, that it's socially awkward to invite the whole neighborhood over for a made up holiday, and how to not hit the car parked next to us with our own car door? And yet as she defies me, she stretches me. Her constant questions about what if (based on a what if world that could not and does not exist) make me mad because I answer back that it doesn't matter what if because what if does not exist. But I'm mad because I can't comprehend the what if world like she can. To her, that world and any other possible world does exist, readily, easily. I am not her. By personality or by age maybe. But maybe I should lower my head once in awhile and try to be her.

Oh, my point. My point is that parenting is far harder than birthing will ever be. Birthing is but a moment. So for now, I really do believe that it doesn't matter as long as you have a healthy baby in the end instead of just saying it. Yes, maybe others do put fear into the situation and they should not. Fear does not belong in the birth process. Yes we should share with one another and make a community of women, old and young, so we can be there for each other. That's love. That's life. But no, in the end, it doesn't matter how you gave birth, fed your baby, diapered your baby and did anything else to your baby beside love them. Because all of this is hard and we all need each other, no judgments, just mercy and grace.

Thought over.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Far Far Away

I haven't been on here very much lately. I've found raising two children twice as difficult and twice and time consuming as raising one child. Go figure. Whether I'm oohhing and awing over the love exuding from my children or staving off the crazies you can find me on facebook. (if that link doesn't work, just look for Seamingly Sarah on facebook) I've found it far easier and faster to post the quick photo or tidbit over there. Thanks. =)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Scraps Galore

I made queen sized quilt for my sister last summer.


I may have a bad habit of over estimating how much fabric I need for projects. But that's okay because it keeps me knee deep in even more projects for way too long.

At first I made two table runners and a baby blanket with the left overs.


Then I STILL had all this left over.


So I even tried making an apron. But I still had scraps left over that I couldn't bear to throw away. And I just did not feel like making potholders. So.....


I caved into my ultimatum of "I never want to make clothes" and I made the most absolutely stinking adorable skirt ever. It doesn't hurt that the model was over the moon about it too!


So every last scrap went into a second skirt that's even lined this time. I am officially out of scraps from the original quilt and we are a very happy family indeed!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Doilies!

I bought a box load of doilies last winter and I've FINALLY used some of them.

Now I have a diaper bag that actually can fit spare diapers, diaper changing pad, wipes, baby powder, snacks for two kids, toys for entertainment, soothie for crisis, and the all important mother load of books and movies from the library on Tuesdays. I'll let you know how it holds up over beach season. But so far I LOVE it! There's nothing like a custom made item to make you smile. And a pretty doily on the outside. =)



And using the same fabric (because I love it oh so much) I made a garland with 30 pennants for my 30th birthday last summer. A present for me. I hung it up on our porch for my grilled pizza party and absolutely adored it. Now it's adorning my kitchen. It doesn't really go, but I love to remind myself that I can make things for myself from time to time.


Overall I've learned that you can't have enough doilies. If you think you have too many, use some more. =)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Rainbows Be Done

Very close to two years ago I took all my scrap fabric and made crazy blocks in every color of the rainbow. It was a great exercise in creating crazy blocks, but not so much in thinking projects through. Once I had these blocks they weren't what I thought they would be. I envisioned a rainbow quilt, but it just didn't seem right.

Then I thought bags in every color would be great. Then purses.



Then I wanted to burn them all and just be rid of them. So slowly, every so slowly I've finally gone through all of the blocks and this is what came of it all.

1 bag
7 purses
7 color baby books
2 baby blankets

 

I learned a lot. Now who wants to buy something and help me empty my inventory so I can start all over again. =)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

MIA

Okay, so it's been awhile since I last posted. Life has gotten in the way, with all of its ups and downs.

Ups
watching my 3 year old blossom into the person she is today (almost 4!)
cradling my baby whenever I want to

Downs
having almost no alone time for myself
the hard moments right before you figure your child's behavior out and seeing how mean I can be in those hard moments - but maybe those hard moments are "ups" too because I'm learning from them?

I have actually been getting some sewing done. I participated in my first ever craft show! I made way more inventory than I needed, but at least now I have the inventory. I just have the problem of trying to sell it! Need any reusable cloth gift bags or hair clips? I've got plenty!


Now I have the typical pile of to do projects laying around my sewing corner. A pink and brown baby blanket, a blue garland, and something to make with all my leftover christmas fabric.

The latest project I've completed is baby bibs. My 9 month old is not a neat eater. What baby is? So why are there still bibs that don't even begin to cover her clothes? Therefore I made my own. I didn't make the neck hole small enough so I have to move the velcro, but so far it has saved quite a few white shirts (who makes white shirts for babies?) from figs, blueberries and prune juice stains.


I'm off to ignore the to do pile and make new baby blankets and toys since I just heard a friend is having a baby this July!


Monday, August 22, 2011

Summer's Bounty

Of course these photos were taken a few weeks ago, right at the tail end of July when the summer really peaks in my neck of the woods, but posting in a timely manner is beyond me at this point.


I love the summer peak. When my flower garden is flooded with color.


Even the unmowed lawn looks lovely. A field of wildflowers.


And our garden is blossoming. My favorite is the Asparagus bean, just based on the lovely blossom it produces.


We went with raised boxes this year. The native clay soil was beating us down. And I knew weeding was out of the question for me this year. So far we're pleased. But when the plant does well it just seems to attract more pests. You win some and you lose some.


And of course my absolute favorite thing to come this summer....
fresh, ripe tomatoes. My mouth is watering at the thought.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I Promise I've Been Sewing...

Well I wish I could share with you all the sewing projects I've completed this summer, but I can't. It seems that the best I can do is just complete them.

I turned 30 this summer. Wow. I don't like being in a new age bracket, checking a different box on surveys and forms, but I refuse to mourn. This is life, I'm living it. I'm 30 and that's young to someone else. Now I just need to befriend this someone else so they can make me feel young! =)

My husband threw a birthday party for me. It was wonderful and he did all the work. Good food, great friends and well behaved children (until they reacted to the ice cream cake like it was crack). Did I mention it was wonderful?

But I couldn't let this milestone birthday go by without receiving something handmade. I just had to make it myself. I treated myself to a birthday banner. I cut into one of my favorite fabrics, this navy blue with white polka dots. And then didn't even cry when I cut apart a stark white doily and sewed pieces parts randomly onto the exactly 30 pennants I had cut out. They were strung together with white binding. I hung it up on our porch for the party and I think I'm the only one who knew they were there. But that's all that counts. Of course I took lovely photos of them and then accidently deleted them. I'm too lazy busy to go back out there and get more photos to show you.

Then I put together a LOT of reusable cloth gift bags for the Christmas in July sale on Etsy. That was a bust. Not a single sale. But I got my items into a second shop around here! Hip hip hurray for cold calls.


I made a bag for my sister that traveled to Africa and back. Jealous.

I finished a quilt (queen size no less) for my other sister to celebrate her graduation from college (to be bestowed upon her this weekend). Not so jealous at the idea of going through college, but proud none the less.


I made two table runners and one baby quilt from the scraps left over from the queen sized quilt. Lets just say I have a problem with over estimating how much fabric I need. I still have a grocery bag full of scraps left over. I'm just so sick of the colors that I can't do anything more with them.


I am in the process of finishing 7 cute cloth color books for babies. I'm building up my inventory for a craft sale I'll be participating in for December.


On the not so glamorous side I also altered at least 13 cloth diapers. Boring, but yeah for having properly fitting diapers now and less leaks!

And of course on my to do list/pile is a lap quilt for a wedding present, a dozen or more flower hair clips and bobby pins, felt crowns for dress up, a purse/clutch designed just for me, and lots lots lots more reusable cloth gift bags.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Sometimes It Really Is That Good

Something has turned recently, like a tide or the phases of the moon. It was slight and gradual each day, but all too apparent when I spent the time to look. I find myself coping with staying at home better than I did before. I question my decision less at the end of the day and spend more time just being here.

Don't get my wrong. I've still lost my temper with the three old at least once this week. She visits time out more regularly as the day wears on and the heat adles our brains.  And I still count down the hours until Daddy comes home. But I'm not resentful to be making dinner and still watching the kids. I don't feel the need to check out earlier in the day. I can make it a little bit longer. Of course all bets are off on Fridays.

And most of all, when they get to go visit Grandma....I miss them.
I start missing them before they're even gone.

I can see a little bit more now just how good things are.


A recent Saturday morning...